13 Interesting and blatantly untrue facts of 2013

1. A wasted walk is like a crumbly dessert.

2. Orange is not a fruit or colour, but instead a rare shoe size.

3. I have clammy hands: like chowder in the rain.

4. No pain, no flames!

5. Sniff my toenails and you shall fail.

6. I don’t like being treated like a piece of shoe.

7. I can smell your ears over there.

8. There is no truth in eating parsnips – only destiny.

9. “Check out my dainty weasel!” Said no one ever.

10. Your long flowing hair bristles in my colon.

11. I was seven years old when I realized tapestries were made from old coin collections.

12. I often moan with passion in the moonlight, my regret in deep within my quiche.

13. Leave rice crispies in a bowl overnight and you WILL have a mushroom pie by August.

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