Marshmallow Hero

Well, I had acquired the marshmallows through an underground syndicate of

Evil desserts

The soft, luscious exterior ignited within me

A particular anger, so to speak,

That I treasured with devious pleasure.

My adversaries knew not of my quest, obviously

But only of my desire for a mere afternoon snack

Like most common folk

I appreciate the decadence of a brownie

Cookie dough, to be exact

The kind of melt in your mouth magnificence that would make an infant weep.

It was mid-afternoon, the time was ripe.

Reese Butterfinger had originally informed me that

Teacup’s management were looking to do a fluff-bust and

Steal all the cotton candy and toffee popcorn

From the local candy makers on Tib Street

Reese Butterfinger is a fabulous man, he can get you almost

Any information you need because of his mischievous and crafty use of

Delicious peanut butter powers.

Our friendship is strong, because I’m allergic to his touch and he knows even a Small fist bump could kill me.

Anyway, given the circumstances – I felt mutiny was appropriate.

My hand was poised in anticipation,

I was astoundingly eager but had to exercise some form of self-control

In order to create the element of surprise, or disgust

Either would have been fine

I wanted the effects of my blow to be bestowed upon me

Like a malevolent echo

An echo of my commitment to justice.

The marshmallow thwacked off the forehead of the waiter

Creating a noise that ricocheted throughout the room

There were gasps, quizzical faces – I think I even heard a glass smash

This was exactly what I wanted

There was an uproar, I had spawned a rebellion so unexpected

That I was escorted from the premises, a mushed up marshmallow

Still embedded in my sweating palm

Needless to say, my assault was successful

I even gained a friend

The sous chef deemed it imperative that I share a box of golden nuggets with him

As a sign of respect for my endeavour

Of course I was from then on banned from ever entering Teacup again

But it was worth it.

I have been opposing candy thieves since 1992

Trying to fight for a fair world, I keep the streets of Manchester safe.

Some of you may now know me as the ‘marshmallow hero’,

The ‘masked vigilante’,

I am neither of those things.

I am Matthew Webster, and, one marshmallow at a time,

I will change the world.


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