Well, I had acquired the marshmallows through an underground syndicate of
The soft, luscious exterior ignited within me
A particular anger, so to speak,
That I treasured with devious pleasure.
My adversaries knew not of my quest, obviously
But only of my desire for a mere afternoon snack
Like most common folk
I appreciate the decadence of a brownie
Cookie dough, to be exact
The kind of melt in your mouth magnificence that would make an infant weep.
It was mid-afternoon, the time was ripe.
Reese Butterfinger had originally informed me that
Teacup’s management were looking to do a fluff-bust and
Steal all the cotton candy and toffee popcorn
From the local candy makers on Tib Street
Reese Butterfinger is a fabulous man, he can get you almost
Any information you need because of his mischievous and crafty use of
Delicious peanut butter powers.
Our friendship is strong, because I’m allergic to his touch and he knows even a Small fist bump could kill me.
Anyway, given the circumstances – I felt mutiny was appropriate.
My hand was poised in anticipation,
I was astoundingly eager but had to exercise some form of self-control
In order to create the element of surprise, or disgust
Either would have been fine
I wanted the effects of my blow to be bestowed upon me
Like a malevolent echo
An echo of my commitment to justice.
The marshmallow thwacked off the forehead of the waiter
Creating a noise that ricocheted throughout the room
There were gasps, quizzical faces – I think I even heard a glass smash
This was exactly what I wanted
There was an uproar, I had spawned a rebellion so unexpected
That I was escorted from the premises, a mushed up marshmallow
Still embedded in my sweating palm
Needless to say, my assault was successful
I even gained a friend
The sous chef deemed it imperative that I share a box of golden nuggets with him
As a sign of respect for my endeavour
Of course I was from then on banned from ever entering Teacup again
But it was worth it.
I have been opposing candy thieves since 1992
Trying to fight for a fair world, I keep the streets of Manchester safe.
Some of you may now know me as the ‘marshmallow hero’,
The ‘masked vigilante’,
I am neither of those things.
I am Matthew Webster, and, one marshmallow at a time,
I will change the world.