I’ll let you wrap your legs around me next time we “meat” an old person.
Derek went to China He couldn’t do anything finer He quaffed some breast milk And was racked with guilt Because he assaulted a minor.
There once was a chief called Matt Who couldn’t control his cat, he tickled a shrub and started a jenga club and now he wears a straw hat! (thank GOD!)
Through darkened days This winter haze Makes ones soul feel tired and gruesome But soon spring grows, Defrosts my nose And my rickets start to loosen.
With a smear of hunger flavoured lipstick I spanked the nasty milkman in the hopes of preventing a third world war. My balls lay drenched in the remains of his broken spatula, emanating a sudden chilly grinding noise that reminded me of the small Chinese man I had met the day before. I used the […]
If you live near the woods There is a chance you’ll know A bizarre creature dwells there Known as the “Butler Crow”. He’ll lurk near hippy campers And follow them around Decorate trees with tea cups, And leave cup cakes on the ground. He’ll spend days tracking hikers And turning down their beds Startling them […]
1) Elephants were once native to Britain, but most were killed during the Great Fire of London in 1666 (How unfortunate that all the elephants in Britain were congregated in London on that fateful night?!) 2) The First Rhinoceros to ever exist developed an unnatural disliking towards the Ostrich. The Rhino then decided to grow a horn […]
1. A wasted walk is like a crumbly dessert. 2. Orange is not a fruit or colour, but instead a rare shoe size. 3. I have clammy hands: like chowder in the rain. 4. No pain, no flames! 5. Sniff my toenails and you shall fail. 6. I don’t like being treated like a piece […]
CAITLIN: Caitlin is frightened to sleep She worries she’ll kidnap some sheep So she ties herself down Paints her face like a clown Then she’ll roll in a ball and she’ll weep. AUTUMN: Autumn is usually neat Until she’s taken a seat She’ll grow horns on her face And writhe with disgrace And carve her […]
It was a crumbly evening I trekked through crumbly snow Scented crumbly singing Twas going with the flow I peered through the milky butter A figure moved with grace Clutching throngs of rusty cats Crumbling beard upon his face I approached with similar caution A crumbly bauble in my hand I waited for a clearer […]